Movement

My life is always moving right now.  Almost literally.

We want to move to a new home.  We need to accomplish both buying and selling. 

I am nearing graduation.  I should be making more of an effort to look for a job once I have my degree.  I have no idea where I am going to go.

My children are nearly constantly moving.  I can barely keep up with watching where they go.

I feel as though I am running.  My thoughts keep racing.

I could use a moment to just stand still and breathe.  For the past year and a half of round two of graduate school life has been a whirlwind.  I wonder if there are too many days that have just passed by with moments that should have been cherished that I simply missed as I was caught up in my busy world.

And while I do simply want to stand and breathe, I want to make sure there is something to take in with the fresh air.  I am ready to embrace the chaos of little boyhood this summer.  I am so grateful to once again have days home with my boys.  I am simply looking forward to have a moment to talk with my neighbors, my husband, my children.  Graduate school was the first time I felt like someone was almost ordering me to focus on something other than my family.  I didn't appreciate that.  I didn't listen, but in certain ways I still needed to comply.  I feel like I am almost to the point of getting my life back.

Despite the constant movement and change I feel like I am finally starting to catch my breath.  I feel like I am moving with the current instead of against it.  My head is above the water and the air is sweet once again.

Expectations

Life for people I know has dished out terrible situations.  Imagine the worst--or at least close to the worst--and it seems as it has happened to people I know.  Some closer than others, but regardless, my heart aches for each one.

Life is not dealing the hand to others that I expected.  Not just because it is not what would be happiest, but sometimes the thought of this much pain to so many good people....  What I see happening to others is devastating.  Others' parents with serious illness.  Friends with enormous loss.  Family with uncertain decisions.  Sometimes the weight of the world appears to be on their shoulders.

I cannot seem to carry any burden for them.  As much as I may offer to help with the baggage, I feel I can never truly lighten their load.  My waiting for that which is uncertain in my life is nothing compared to what other are experiencing.  I honestly feel like life just isn't fair.  Life often never seems to be.  Never seems to be what we imagined it would be or fair.

I don't know what I was expecting--but I know this wasn't it.