I don't wanna grow up

It was late enough at night, and I went to check on the boys because there was still some quiet murmuring from their room.  When I arrived, it turns out there were quiet tears from Erick.

"I don't want to grow up, Mommy.  I want to stay five," he said.

"Honey, where is this coming from?  Why are you so upset?"

"We are practicing for graduation, and we sing about being so small and so strong,"  he sobbed.  "I wanna stay five forever!"

There is a pause.  I am not sure what to say.

Erick continues, tearfully, "The kindergartners just stay in a little room, all day.  I don't wanna get older.  Then I have to go to kindergarten.  And then big school.  And then college!"  Deep sob and breath, "And I don't even know what college is!"

I suppressed my laughter at this point, despite the obvious severity of the the tragic realization of aging in my son's life.

"Oh, Erick.  It will be okay.  College is where mommy goes now.  There are so many things to look forward to as you get older.  But you do not need to get old too quickly.  Let's take it one step at a time.  Just remember to be a kid for a while."

"Mommy, I don't want to leave.  I just want to stay here with you and Daddy."

Hmmmmmm, we hadn't really planned on that.  You five and us maybe seventy-five--not exactly ideal.  Life would not be what you expected.  "Erick, our mommies and daddies let us go to college, and then we met each other.  And then we got married.  Now we have you and your brother.  We wouldn't have you if we didn't go to college.  These are the things you can look forward to.  It will be okay."

Two days later.......

Erick is talking about kindergarten.

"So, Erick, you're okay with going to kindergarten?"  I asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay.  I can go to college, too,"  he replied.

"Good,"  I thought, "but you don't even know what college is."

Not Cool

I am not cool.  I never have been.  I think I am past the point where I will ever be able to be cool.  Let me give you a list of reasons why I do not fall into the "cool" category (maybe some of it is just my perspective, but I don't think so):

I still have (and use VHS tapes), and still "tape" shows on occasion because I do not have a DVR.

I don't have cable.

I have an iPod, but only to store my CDs on it.  I have never purchased any music from iTunes.

I could not name a single member of the Pussy Cat Dolls, the Spice Girls or the Backstreet Boys if it were for a million dollars.  The fact I still reference these groups should be an indication that I could not get a million dollars to name a more current group.

I don't keep up with the Kardashians.  I don't know why anyone would anyway.  Maybe I am cool for saying no to that one.

I am not on Facebook.  I'm not sure they would want me.

I do not have a Smart Phone.  I don't text.  My phone takes pictures.  I have had my phone a year and a half and it only has ten pictures on it.  Phones are for calling people.  I think only five people have my cell phone number to call me.  No wonder I never have plans on Saturday evening....  Oh wait, that's kids and marriage, not my phone.

I am wearing clothes I had ten years ago.  I don't know what the current trend is.  I count on my sister to buy me one or two things each year to make sure I do not miss entire decades of fashion.  The clothes she buys me are the times I get compliments about how I look.

My husband is not cool either.  He references himself as the "cool nerd" in high school.  Complete oxymoron if I have ever heard one.

Really, the list is endless.  Don't get me wrong, some of my lack off coolness may now be classified in my mind as lack of interest or to others as being cheap.  Whatever.  I'll deal with it. 

Here is my problem with not being cool.  What happens to my kids?  Right now, kids don't care.  They are three and five and still in preschool.  But right now my kids are not off to a good start for cool experiences.  They have not been to Disney World.  They do not have 'DS.'  They rarely play on the computer.  They have had one to many experiences watching movies that include my old VHS tapes and whether or not the movies from the library will work.

I hope I am not destroying my kids shot at coolness.  They are happy for now.  What happens when they realize anyone can have cable and we don't?  Maybe my kids will make me cool.  Or cool enough to get them by.  Or at least distract people enough that they don't notice I'm not.  May my children prevail over my shortcomings.