A cup of cold water

My husband is much more generous than I.  I need to take more opportunities to learn from him.

After Easter service and chatting with our friends (and a fellow we'll call Bill who goes to our church, who looks a little....  Hmmmm.....  Not so well off), Derek informed me I should go get the kids while he took Bill to the car so we could give him a ride.

"WHAT?!?!"  I thought.  "We are going to take a man we do not know, in our car, WITH OUR CHILDREN, someplace?"

  I took a breath.  It's Easter.  I have seen this man week after week at church.  He is not a new face, but I don't know him.  What will our children think of this man in a purple suit with the matching hat and wild hair? 

I was concerned about safety.  I was concerned about time.  Although, in reality, I was concerned about myself.  I needed to remind myself I see this man nearly every week and am grateful the church welcomes him as he is every week.  No expectations.  No questions asked.  Why can't I? 

I picked up the children from their Sunday School rooms.  I explained we would be giving Bill a ride.  I climbed into the car and squeezed between the boys carseats.  Bill told stories about the history of Ohio.  The boys talked about his "fancy" purple hat.  Erick and Blake both shared some candy they had gotten in their class.  We had plenty of time for our egg hunt and Easter baskets before heading out for a larger family lunch.  Everything was fine.  Why did I worry so?  Derek had seen Bill when he had started college and knew Bill had been homeless at least at one point; perhaps he still is. 

Derek reminded me to give when we can.  My selfishness often gets in the way of this.  It was only a ride.  I need to remember to offer a cup of water to those in need. How many times am I actually drinking that cup of water anyway? 

Easy Open

Easy Open....  REALLY?!!!!

I wanted some goat cheese.  So the plastic packages that peel apart at the corner are supposed to be "easy open?"  There are some requirements:

First, good eyesight.  (I don't have this.  Uphill battle already.)

Second, fingernails.  (Currently, I have short ones to peel apart the two layers.)

Third,  teeth.  (So you can hold one corner of plastic in your teeth while you strategically pull the other corner with one finger and grasp the package with your other hand).

Fourth, t-shirt.  (Because you need to wipe the spit off the package after holding it in your teeth while you again try to pull both sides apart with your hands.)

Fifth, a knife.  (I should have started with this.)

All this for goat cheese.  Ten minutes later I don't think I was even hungry for it.  Next time I think a square of Kraft singles will have to do, folks. 

Suffering with God

I had a moment the other day.  A public moment.  Part of me felt humiliated.  Part of me felt like the rest of the world (or 22 people) needed to hear it.  In all honesty.

We were in our Sunday school class talking about suffering.  Why do Christians suffer?  What do we do about it?  How do we pray about it?

I listened to some answers about how we can pray for wisdom.  We can pray for peace.  We can pray to listen.  And here's what I said:  "When we were struggling with infertility all I could do was ask God 'Why?'  I didn't understand any of what was going on.  I just needed to be angry and come to Him.  And I think He wants me to do that. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change anything or give my boys back.  Feeling like I can be honest enough and trust Him enough to go to Him with tears and anger....."

I broke down if front of friends and felt somewhat like a fool.

I'm not even sure if my infertility was suffering or an answer to prayer about allowing us to adopt.  It still was terrible at the time, because I wanted to be a mom, NOW.  That was my plan.  

There are only so many people in our lives we can trust to yell at them and know that person will still be there.  I'm glad God is one of them.  I know I am not immune to suffering.  Trials will come again.  I will be able to yell and cry and let all my raw emotions bleed in front of Him.  God will be there through it all, and He will hold me in His arms.  May my hope always rest in Him, no matter the suffering I may need to endure.

I don't wanna grow up

It was late enough at night, and I went to check on the boys because there was still some quiet murmuring from their room.  When I arrived, it turns out there were quiet tears from Erick.

"I don't want to grow up, Mommy.  I want to stay five," he said.

"Honey, where is this coming from?  Why are you so upset?"

"We are practicing for graduation, and we sing about being so small and so strong,"  he sobbed.  "I wanna stay five forever!"

There is a pause.  I am not sure what to say.

Erick continues, tearfully, "The kindergartners just stay in a little room, all day.  I don't wanna get older.  Then I have to go to kindergarten.  And then big school.  And then college!"  Deep sob and breath, "And I don't even know what college is!"

I suppressed my laughter at this point, despite the obvious severity of the the tragic realization of aging in my son's life.

"Oh, Erick.  It will be okay.  College is where mommy goes now.  There are so many things to look forward to as you get older.  But you do not need to get old too quickly.  Let's take it one step at a time.  Just remember to be a kid for a while."

"Mommy, I don't want to leave.  I just want to stay here with you and Daddy."

Hmmmmmm, we hadn't really planned on that.  You five and us maybe seventy-five--not exactly ideal.  Life would not be what you expected.  "Erick, our mommies and daddies let us go to college, and then we met each other.  And then we got married.  Now we have you and your brother.  We wouldn't have you if we didn't go to college.  These are the things you can look forward to.  It will be okay."

Two days later.......

Erick is talking about kindergarten.

"So, Erick, you're okay with going to kindergarten?"  I asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay.  I can go to college, too,"  he replied.

"Good,"  I thought, "but you don't even know what college is."

Victories (with exclamation points!!!)

I did it!!!  I received my results for my licensing exam on Tuesday, and I passed!!!  Two parts of one homework assignment, completing my non-thesis and completing my placements are all that is left!  I thought the second round of graduate school would never come to an end.  I can't wait to spend more time with my family again!  August cannot come soon enough!