Suffering with God

I had a moment the other day.  A public moment.  Part of me felt humiliated.  Part of me felt like the rest of the world (or 22 people) needed to hear it.  In all honesty.

We were in our Sunday school class talking about suffering.  Why do Christians suffer?  What do we do about it?  How do we pray about it?

I listened to some answers about how we can pray for wisdom.  We can pray for peace.  We can pray to listen.  And here's what I said:  "When we were struggling with infertility all I could do was ask God 'Why?'  I didn't understand any of what was going on.  I just needed to be angry and come to Him.  And I think He wants me to do that. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change anything or give my boys back.  Feeling like I can be honest enough and trust Him enough to go to Him with tears and anger....."

I broke down if front of friends and felt somewhat like a fool.

I'm not even sure if my infertility was suffering or an answer to prayer about allowing us to adopt.  It still was terrible at the time, because I wanted to be a mom, NOW.  That was my plan.  

There are only so many people in our lives we can trust to yell at them and know that person will still be there.  I'm glad God is one of them.  I know I am not immune to suffering.  Trials will come again.  I will be able to yell and cry and let all my raw emotions bleed in front of Him.  God will be there through it all, and He will hold me in His arms.  May my hope always rest in Him, no matter the suffering I may need to endure.